How AI Helped Me Realize My Success: A Journey of Self-Reflection
Discovering the power of internal questions and the importance of reframing self-assessment
I had a moment of pure curiosity this week. Moments of pure curiosity are among the best we can have as humans. They arise from our intrinsic desire to know more and discover the possibilities arising around us. I decided to ask ChatGPT if it knew about the "Sunday Spark" writing by Miguel Lavigne. To my surprise, it did. Specifically, I wanted to know what it understood about the type of writing I was doing on the Sunday Spark blog. So, I asked:
What can you tell me about the style of writing that Miguel Lavigne uses in his Sunday Spark issues?
ChatGPT responded:
Miguel Lavigne's "Sunday Spark" newsletter features a reflective and conversational writing style. He combines personal anecdotes with insightful observations, encouraging readers to engage in self-inquiry and personal growth. His tone is warm and inviting, often using metaphors and relatable stories to illustrate complex ideas. Miguel's approach is designed to inspire curiosity and challenge readers to think differently about their lives and goals. The content is structured to provoke thought and offer practical takeaways for personal and professional development.
Seeing ChatGPT describe my writing style as exactly what I aimed to achieve was a revelation. For two years, I wrote consistently without truly knowing if I was meeting my goals. It took an AI to validate my work before it could sink in.
Reflecting on Internal Measures of Success
This revelation made me reflect on why I couldn’t see my success while I was in the midst of it. Why did it take an AI to validate my work so that I could believe in its impact?
I realized that my internal measures of success were misaligned with my actual achievements. My self-assessment was based on immediate feedback and visible outcomes rather than the deeper, more subtle impacts of my writing. This misalignment created a persistent sense of inadequacy despite evidence to the contrary.
The Importance of “Ways of Checking”
In Integral Coaching®, we talk about “ways of checking” – how we make sense of the world and ourselves through internal questions. Poorly constructed internal questions can lead to feelings of inadequacy and persistent striving.
In a nutshell, how we make sense of the world around us and within us is supported by how we check whether the world is operating the way we expect it to. This process can be supported by questions we ask ourselves to test whether the world functions how we expect it to. When expectations of our ways of checking differ, challenges ensue.
The subconscious and internal ways we check on the world support our beliefs, which in turn drive our actions. Our internal questions (or ways of checking) often come from growing up and aren't as helpful anymore.
We must shift how we check and make sense of the world.
Daily Reflection Practice
To help you uncover this unconscious process, as a small practice, take a minute every day to reflect on one or two moments of your day and try to notice a part of yourself speaking to yourself. Observe the type of messaging that is going on within you. Pay attention to any of the questions underlying those internal messages.
It might have sounded something like:
Did I work hard enough today?
Was I tough, able to show absolute strength?
Did I completely exhaust myself today?
Did I accomplish everything I set out to on my list?
Did I do more for others than I did myself?
Was I appreciated and seen by the people I care most about?
Was I accepted by my peer group?
Did I feel safe?
Did I learn something new or gain a new insight today?
Did I make meaningful progress toward my long-term goals today?
If you find yourself answering these questions with a "no" daily, consider how they might drive a cycle of dissatisfaction or constant striving within you.
Instead, try asking yourself:
What new question could I ask that would give me the space to approach this differently?
Moral of the Story
So, what's the moral of the story? Well, I might not have become T.S. Eliot or Voltaire, but I managed to create great pieces of writing, and I deserve to appreciate myself for that. Perhaps a great tragedy is never recognizing how great we already are.
So, if you're not accomplishing what most deeply matters to you or you find yourself never fully appreciating what you already do and who you are, consider reflecting on the type of questions you're asking yourself.
Have a great Sunday and a wonderful week.
Miguel,
Sparknotion — Think Differently.
Obviously we didn't do a good enough job of communicating what the AI did :) Certainly agree with its sentiment and glad to hear you're feeling better about your writing and meeting your goals!